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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2009.01.05  04.27 ...sometimes life decides to do it for you. “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” -MM. Mood: tired

	2008.12.16  00.54 is this year over yet? so, my doctor prescribed me ambien today, and upon my asking him if it had any interactions - such as alcohol - he advised me that i'd be fine... as long as i didn't wash down my nighttime hypnotic sedative pills with a glass of vodka. so i used cognac instead. and i'm still awake. :-/ lol. oh! i had been waiting for the blackberry storm to drop on verizon for yearssssss - reciting mantas, lighting incense, wearing jade and burning sage, meditating that they wouldn't push the release date back (for the 5th time). finally got it six am the day it dropped. and i am now OFFICIALLY addicted to blackberrymessenger. yet another thing to add to the list... Mood: wired.

	2008.12.12  03.38 navaan and pristiq. i feel as though i've been so many people... as though i've lived so many different lives. and i no longer seek definition within the aforementioned, or even the present for that matter. i seek simply to be... here. days and nights like this, when the rain is pouring; the heavens making love to earth... when the pressure subsides, and the stillness is calm, yet beautiful - i realize that i do indeed lead a truly poetic existence. and i wouldn't trade it for the world. well, maybe.... ha. and all is well. Mood: intrigued

	2008.12.08  14.58 on life. i'm still quite perplexed by this thing called "existence" ...and maybe i always will be. Mood: curious

	2008.11.10  23.01 boys with one syllable names. wow, this psuedo-heartbreak thing is miserable. i wish i could swear off models and actors and just date normal people. damn you superficiality. Mood: empty.

	2008.11.04  03.10 liberate your minds. Zeitgeist: Addendum it's long, but great - i guarantee you that there is absolutely nothing else you can do that will be more thought inspiring and beneficial than watching the following video. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912 feel free to do your research. /truth. Mood: hopeful

	2008.10.04  04.32 i can't wait to get my laptop back. trust me, i know what low is. and because of that, i have no fear. :-) working on this, being present in the moment thing. Mood: here

	2008.09.12  01.53 i do. i don't. it doesn't hurt. Mood: calm

	2008.09.07  23.17 mtv vmas. so i wonder how much money changed hands in order for britney spears to take home best video of the year. 3 awards she took home for the makeshift weak piece of me video. the vmas is bullshit. don't get me wrong; i burned holes into my blackout cd from playing it so much; i adore the music. but the video? was. crap. the ting tings shut up and let me go video is sheer genius. how did it not win?!?! the world has gone mad. /end superfast rant. Mood: confused

	2008.08.30  04.11 the universe. Life is movement. “Happiness” is a result; contingent upon what we are moving, and how. Mood: intrigued

	2008.08.06  03.53 and anxiety is wonderfully combatted by codeine. i hate the smell of ketchup. my writings are scattered - i come across them randomly; in word documents, on sketchbooks, scribbled across walls and jotted down in long forgotten notepads - beautifully poetic tainted genius. one day i will compile it all together. eventually. the calm frightens me. i fear the storm. Mood: supressed manic

	2008.06.24  02.46 i am quite happy.

	2008.06.10  05.58 coming clean. i am absolutely and completely afraid of falling in love. to crave another person, to desire someone, to be attracted to a person beyond terms of menial superficiality -- scares the crap out of me. i am tainted. jaded. how ironic. and so, here i am, wasting tissues... can't get over this. i've got issues. to be continued. Mood: empty.

	2008.05.10  15.37 fresh. i love the premise of starting fresh, beginning anew. i believe that is why things such as birthdays and new year's are deemed so relevant to us... we feel as though we've been granted the opportunity to start over. this past new year, i felt it more than ever. money was right, situations were ideal, beauty was on the horizon, life was wonderful, and i felt everything panning out as i would like... but then somewhere along the lines, everything got contorted. i can almost pinpoint where everything began to fall apart, and i have my speculations as to why as well... but it still doesn't make complete sense even to me. regardless, i keep promising myself to begin anew over and over... for that same hopeful, vibrating, positive, beautiful energy that emanated from and around my soul when this year first began. i think i've begun to think too much recently. like for 12 hours straight, doing nothing at all but contemplating upon existence, and why people and things are they way they are; forming extravagant conclusions and philosophies, my menial yet magical attempts to make sense of it all. my mind is chaotic, and probably the most well exercised muscle in my entire body. but it battles with my soul too much. i'd like for them to become friends. my brother and i went shopping and bought new rims for my bmw the other day. afterwards we went out to lunch. i told him some of my newfound theories; and with a glazed over look in his eyes, he told me that if i didn't stop thinking so much, my head would explode. he's probably right. i've always been a chronic thinker, but not to this extent. it probably isn't very healthy. either that, or it's the healthiest thing i've ever done. i wish there was an off switch. the air outside is sneaking it's way in through my window. it's scent is so sweet, rainy, fresh. it's beautiful. birds chirping, dogs barking, lawns being mowed, cars being driven... these sounds are lullabies at the moment. it's probably time to begin anew again. life is probably just one big probability. Mood: content

	2008.04.22  04.29 the birds they chirp in lyrics so profound... The birds near my window chirp while it’s still dark out, they’re insomniacs like me; and I enjoy that. My words may lead to confusion - I do not enjoy anything relating to sleep difficulties; but I do enjoy the feeling of feeling as though these quirky, winged creatures are personally serenading me in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve begun to listen closely to their erratic songs in efforts to decipher what they might be saying. I genuinely believe that they are whimsically whistling the secrets of the universe. Either that, or they’re having one hell of a party. I am taking a vow of silence, shaving my head, and moving to spain... where i will drink sangria, dance with fireflies under red moonlight, and spend days on end painting graffiti-esque masterpieces on the outside walls of abandoned cathedrals. I will walk on water to paris, purchase the version of rosetta stone that teaches one how to speak in the language of bird chirps, sit underneath a willow tree surrounded by daffodils, and decipher the secrets that they so tauntingly sing. everything we are doing has already been done... I will then, wake up. Mood: whimsical

	2008.04.07  05.29 normalcy is nonexistent. there is no such thing as a "normal" reality... only an "average" one. Mood: interested

	2008.04.05  19.55 wonderful. "It's not to late to become who you've always wanted to be..." Mood: inspired

	2008.04.03  06.44 spun. if sleep is the cousin of death, then insomnia must be the bastard child of insanity... Mood: awake

	2008.03.29  20.56 earth hour. i woke up today, and it felt special. the sun kissing the cloudless blue skies, brisk breezes blowing through the bamboo shades on my window. my ears tingled with ambient cartoonish melodics of an ice cream truck wafting through the soundwaves outside and into my soul... and i smiled at the fact that everyday before we even awake; we are already blessed - with a new day; with a new opportunity to conquer the world, or to save to it. and then i hopped on google and the latter was affirmed. an awkward, black layout replaced the white one which i was so accostomed to - this newness serving as an invitation to participate in something so progressively simple, so cumulatively beautiful, so quietly powerful - something simply referred to as earth hour. http://www4. earthhourus. org/ let's all celebrate earth hour. we'll make it a date. dress up, ok? lol. at 8pm tonight, join me and millions of others as we turn off our lights for 1 hour. last year this was practiced in Australia and reduced CO2 emissions by 10.2% in Sydney alone. it's time for the world to join in. although the energy benefits are quite apparent, something even more influential is taking place here - an entire society joining together and saying to corporations, to our government, to the universe, to ourselves and those around us - that we actually care about this planet. one person always makes a difference. the choices we make in life are beautiful, in that they allow us to create a constant statement of who we are... so let's make a statement, together. the world is ours, afterall. /lights, off. even if just for an hour... :-) Mood: free

	2008.03.24  02.56 the end of an error. the beauty of life is that we have the opportunity to create who we are and what surrounds us. i'm starting fresh. Mood: new.

	2008.03.22  22.14 on why i do it to myself.. fame is the meter by which we measure talent. how unfortunate. Mood: drained

	2008.03.22  03.17 codeine and breakfast at tiffany's. "certain shades of limelight can wreck a girl's complexion." insomnia is ridiculous. i have a 7am calltime for an obama commercial in the morning; i should be waking up in 2 and a half hours... but that would entail me actually falling asleep first. i'd been having horridly debilitating headaches for the past couple days, apparently it was due to caffeine withdrawl. that's almost scary. energy drinks and coffee for life it is. blah. sleep, where are you? life is but a beach chair. living is simply the creation of memories... Mood: tired

	2008.03.20  13.13 aren't we all? i am a universe. Mood: contemplative

	2008.03.20  13.03 symptomatic: constant resounding songs through one's head. "maybe, i'll go crazy... or maybe, i'll regain my sanity. i guess we'll wait and see... i guess we'll wait and see." it's 1 o'clock in the afternoon. i have been attempting to fall asleep since yesterday. but to no avail. this is ridiculous. recess, rewind, restart, replay. please? Mood: awake

	2008.03.17  05.20 strung together with a tall glass of tarantino and side of aronofsky. i imagine that my words and writings must come off as erratic, superfluous, and confusing to most; as in retrospect, much of it seems slightly this way even to me. but that's ok. as long as i make a bit of sense to me, then all is well. sort of. Mood: weird